Sexuality and consent in Netflix's new show, The End of the F***ing World
**Content warning: minor spoilers and sexual assault.
Soon after writing my first post on the power of film and its ability to shape public perception, I happened upon a new show on Netflix, The End of the F***ing World.
The show is painful to watch -- a potential psychopath and a girl who "looks angry" run away from their difficult homes together. In general, I found myself on edge and uncomfortable, but a few tiny moments throughout each episode gave me a surge of gratitude and hope. As a coming of age show, the high schoolers are exploring various aspects of their identities, but one in particular is a bit obsessed with sex. Confused and inexperienced as she may be, Alyssa has incredible understanding of how sexual experiences should work, and the confidence to speak up when it's not going right. This extends to myriad nuances like sexual orientation, unequal power in relationships, consent in the moment, assault by strangers, etc.
The first moment that filled me with glee was when Alyssa comes to James's house. James's dad makes the unfortunately common comment that he was worried James was gay, that he wasn't even sure if James masturbated, and it made him nervous. He threw in "not that there's anything wrong with that, of course" -- a welcome aside that was not so present in the shows I watched growing up. The interplay that follows was perfect. James looks incredibly awkward, but Alyssa jumps in and confronts the dad by saying, "Maybe I'm gay. Maybe he's asexual. We're dealing with a really broad spectrum these days."
In a later episode, Alyssa meets someone and decides she wants to have sex with him. He makes sure, several times, that she isn't a minor, even checking her ID. They go back to the place she's staying, start making out, and then at some point she no longer feels like it's a good idea. She simply pushes him off and says "I'm sorry. I changed my mind. I'm sorry, I'm not into this." The guys responds "Are you kidding?!" to which she calmly responds "Nope." When he then retorts with "That's not fair!" she simply counters, "Uhhhh, yes it is." The guy then cozies up to her, changes his tone to a bit more sultry and says "Please, Alyssa, I think you're amazing." Alyssa rolls her eyes and replies "Well then respect me changing my mind and fuck off please." As he storms out of the room, he shouts back "there's a word for girls like you!" This scene hit me as so real and yet a straightforward model of how to express lack of consent, politely yet firmly, and without any guilt. The final line is in Alyssa's head as she thinks, "It feels like sex can go from something you want to do to a punishment, really fucking quickly." I'd never before seen, or heard narrated, such an honest depiction of that aspect of sex and consent.
Throughout the show, Alyssa is clearly in charge of her body. She initiates sex, initiates abstinence, and doesn't let others tell her what to do. Her body is not a passive receptacle for the urges of those around her, as in many other shows. She even stands up for those around her when she feels their consent is not being sought or respected.