How to use feedback to enhance your self-image and not let praise inhibit you
I have distinct memories from high school of when I was first told that I had talent. I was a singer, actor, and visual artist. With singing and acting, the amount of thought, effort, and practice I put in directly related to how well I performed. Thus, the harder I worked, the more praise (from myself and others) I'd receive. When I was praised for my performances, I felt immense pride at the work I'd put in.
With painting, it wasn't quite so clear. I sometimes had strokes of inspiration that I couldn't explain. I would just be in the zone, or something in me clicked/unhinged, and out came colors that I couldn't have consciously chosen. Sometimes I'd be working on a tough piece and need to really go all in and pour as much effort and time into it as possible. But other times this would simply make it worse, and what I really needed was to set it aside for a bit, until I felt the inspiration coming again. Once a piece was completed, art is so subjective that I didn't even know if I liked it, let alone if anyone else would. Often something that struck a chord with me would be lost on others.
So, when I was praised for my artistic talent, my typical reaction included some pride, but was also a mixture of doubt, fear, and often an impostor syndrome. Receiving praise on one piece often led to anxiety and struggle on the next. I couldn't quite figure out why it was that I was so much more sensitive to this praise than in other circumstances.
I thought there was something wrong with me, but it turns out that this is a very common phenomenon. As a teacher, I discovered Carol Dweck's research on growth mindset. When people believe their success is due to raw talent or an innate ability, this is called a fixed mindset -- you naturally have it or not, and it cannot be improved over time. If, instead, you believe your success to be the product of effort and learning, that your skills can be improved over time, this is a growth mindset. When people view a skill set as fixed, they tend to become more sensitive to feedback, positive or negative, because it feels out of their control. They want to chase the feeling of success, or avoid the feeling of failure, but don't know how to actively pursue it. When people have a growth mindset, they respond much better to feedback -- constructive criticism motivate them to work harder to improve. Praise can motivate them to try harder to receive more praise. For visual/auditory learners, here's a great video that goes into the research more:
This concept clearly has applications in the classroom; I constantly give my students feedback, and if they have a fixed mindset, all this accomplishes is renewed classroom anxiety. I work hard at the start of the year to develop growth mindsets so that they can view challenges as something that will make them stronger, rather than something that will only expose their weakness.
Like most of teaching, however, I have found this concept to be hugely applicable in my own life. People who meditate often use small redirections to keep their thought patterns more positive. I have found this useful when I find myself stuck in a fixed mindset. I remind myself that I can improve if I set my mind to it and then decide if it's a priority. If not, then I can accept failure, knowing that I chose to not put this skill first, and that I'm not just innately ill-equipped. If it is a priority, I try to let it motivate me into action.
All of this, of course, is being fueled by my deep fear of failure, something our society struggles with, and which is a post for another time...