I had some plans of what to say for this post, but then my sister stated it perfectly, so I'll be sharing her words below. A couple of quick things to mention as well -- infertility affects men as much as women. If a couple isn't conceiving, it is just as likely to be an issue with the sperm as with the eggs. And a man is just as capable of pain and disappointment. I include this because almost all of the research I've done has focused on how many women are infertile, which gives me the icky feeling that it's another case of women being blamed for medical situations that are out of their control...
The second quick thing to note is that there's been a lot of talk this week about the inability to get pregnant, but miscarriage are a huge part of this issue and can be even more traumatic. As many as 20% of pregnancies result in miscarriage, and 1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage in their lifetime. This affects millions of people.
Without further ado, here's my sister's story:
"This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. I've struggled all week with what to write. It still amazes me how much emotion comes bubbling back up, even now that I have my two amazing kids. The void in my heart has been filled, but infertility leaves a scar that never fades.
This year's #NIAW theme is #FlipTheScript - changing the conversation around infertility. So here are some numbers for you:
1/8: couples are affected 15: states with an insurance mandate to cover some level of infertility treatment 8: states with an insurance mandate for qualified employers to offer IVF coverage $12,000: the average cost of a fresh IVF cycle before medication $3000-$5000: the cost of IVF medications
And some more personal numbers: 46: months from when we started trying to conceive to when we held our babies in our arms 5: doctors we tried before we finally found one who listened to our needs and treated us responsibly and with respect 5: failed cycles on Clomid 1: failed intrauterine insemination (IUI) 3: attempts at IVF (1 cancelled due to a cyst, 1 completed but unsuccessful, and finally 1 successful) 29: eggs retrieved from my body 17: eggs that fertilized successfully 9: embryos that developed 7: embryos that remain $1200: the amount we pay each year to keep those 7 embryos preserved and frozen until we decide if our family is complete
I'm quite aware of my privilege. I'm aware that I have children because I had the educational background that allowed me to recognize my infertility, geographic access to fertility clinics within easy traveling distance, a lifestyle that allowed me to take time off for frequent doctor's appointments, and most significantly, financial resources. I have children because I lived in a state with basic infertility coverage, because we qualified for a state aid program for our first IVF cycle and an income-based sliding scale for our second IVF cycle, and because of the generous donations from our parents and from an organization called Bonei Olam.
The ability to build a family should NOT be based on who you are, where you live, how much you make, your educational level, or the color of your skin. Infertility doesn't discriminate, but our country does, and it's time to change that. Please pay attention to local legislation. Advocate for insurance mandates to cover fertility treatment. Speak up against laws that define life as beginning at conception, which would have unfathomable consequences for couples undergoing IVF. Donate to RESOLVE.org. And most importantly, be thoughtful in your interactions with others. You never know which of your friends or acquaintances may be the 1 in 8."
