The funny thing about my high school sex education is that I sat next to my now husband and one of his best friends. Incidentally, I didn't pay as much attention as I did in other classes; in fact, it was the lowest grade I ever got an a final exam. It was taught by our athletic trainer, who did not actually seem very comfortable talking about sex, and we mostly learned about drugs, stress management, and STD's, but not so much about our reproductive systems. Certainly not about the complex mechanism in women that grows humans.
**It's important to note, as well, that my sex ed (like many around the country) did not include diversity of experiences, and was mostly information about people who were healthy, straight, cis, white, able to afford tampons/condoms, etc... I've had friends who were queer, trans, from cultures that have strong beliefs around reproduction/menstruation, etc who felt very alienated.
As I've previously written, I have my own reasons for worrying about hormones and infertility. My lack of education on the subject certainly didn't help -- most of my understanding of what's going wrong in my body was just from "well, it feels like..." followed by searching the internet. Not always a great combo. In addition, my education on birth control was basically:
abstinence is the most effective
condoms will most likely stop STD's/pregnancy
the pill is your best option for girls
None of these options were actually helpful for my hormonal challenges.
I never really learned about the risks of the pill or about IUD's, implants, hormone injections, Nuva rings, or the long list of other options out there... Even when I started researching IUD's, there wasn't much out there yet about the potential negatives. When I went to the college campus nurse practitioner to talk about birth control options, she prescribed the pill without giving alternatives, or telling me that there were multiple kinds -- my later PCP who eventually diagnosed me was shocked at the one I was on, exclaiming "no wonder you're having morning sickness!" The campus provider also refused to believe that I wasn't having rampant college party sex (not that there's shame in that -- it just wasn't what I was comfortable with), and even told me that the long distance relationship I was in was ridiculous and I must be lying when I said I wasn't sleeping with people on campus while dating someone elsewhere. She then pressured me into STD testing, which I was certain would be negative and cost hundreds of dollars on my crappy insurance. (I had a few issues with this woman, including when she wouldn't sign my papers to allow me to study abroad because, as she delicately put it, "If you get a blood clot and die, I don't want that being traced back to me." Great.)
Another bone I have to pick with my lack in sex ed is periods. We never learned much about how cycles work, the hormones involved, things that can go wrong... We simply learned that, when you have your period, you use tampons and pads. No one mentioned endometriosis, PCOS, or vulvodynia, that tampons could be painful, and that they are full of chemicals that can cause reactions. I have the triple threat of vulvodynia, Sjogren's (we think), and MCAS-caused sensitivity to dyes/preservatives. Tampons were pretty bad for me but since, as I will discuss in a later post, there is so much awkwardness and stigma surrounding periods and vaginas in general, I didn't say anything for years. When I finally discovered the diva cup (or actually, the compact Lily cup -- I love the portability of it!), my life was changed forever. It's amazing how much less pain, reactions, and even ulcers, I experience simply from rarely using tampons.
But the huge discovery came when I opened up to my sister about my fears of infertility. She told me I needed to learn more about my specific cycle, and directed me towards her "fertility bible"-- Taking Charge of Your Fertility. This enormous book is amazing. I will admit I haven't read it all the way through as my sister has, but it has clear sections to find answers to specific questions. And it's not just for people trying to get pregnant! It's just basic information that, honestly, every girl should learn in sex ed. I am someone who likes to understand how things work, and this went into tons of detail. It doesn't read like a textbook, though. The author has a very conversational tone and throws in story after story, often quite funny. She includes drawings, diagrams, and photos to illustrate what she's describing. She also explains the history of reproductive health and the inherent sexism that it was built on. For example, she describes the risks of pills and IUD's that don't get much press and then a birth control treatment once created for men that was immediately dismissed because it had too many risks/side-effects... basically the same exact reactions women can have to the pill, IUD's, and any other hormonal birth control method.
This book has so much to offer, but my key takeaways were:
common issues with sex/infertility and personal stories of real couples
understanding how my cycles work (we're not all on a 28 day schedule!) and why
Different kinds of cysts and ways of determining which one I'm feeling
and most importantly...
how to track my periods!!!
This last one has been crucial. I no longer have the period anxiety that haunted me for a decade. I can be relatively certain, within a few days, of when it's coming, and therefore relax the rest of the time. It's also helped me as a form of birth control, of all things -- and it doesn't poison my body with chemicals! I can tell when I'm ovulating (or not) and make informed decisions about when sex might be a bad idea. Finally, it has allowed me to track my hormones and learn more about when/if I'm ovulating (typically not), when I'm having cysts, and whether or not I'm pregnant -- this is helpful, because no matter how certainly I know I'm not pregnant, if my period's a month late, it can still feel scary. Having a chart that I can check daily for confirmation that I'm not pregnant is a huge anxiety-reducer.
How do I track this, you ask? A bunch of physical indicators, especially temperature changes. There are a number of apps available. I used to use ovagraph.com, which was part of tcoyf.com, but now that I have a smart phone (welcome to the real world) I use the ovagraph app. I highly recommend it for anyone who menstruates, would like a non-invasive birth control, is trying to conceive, or just wants to learn more about their body! It tracks your cycles for as long as you want, so by the time I go to an endocrinologist to sort out my messy hormones, I will have years of data to make sense of together.
Finally, I'll leave you with the sex ed video I show my students (other than consent tea). It's fantastic. If you don't want to watch all of John Oliver's commentary on the flaws of sex ed in the US, with which I fully agree, feel free to skip ahead to 17:50 for a real comedic, yet informative, treat: