Today, I feel whole. I slept beautifully for 7 hours, then woke up feeling refreshed and ready to go at 6:15. My blood sugar levels weren't so low that I immediately needed food, so I got a few things done before eating breakfast. I ran some errands, enjoyed some nice relaxing time with my partner and cat, exercised for an hour, cleaned a bit, and watched an episode of The Office -- all before lunch! This afternoon and evening I worked on multiple paintings and finished a couple of them, sang, danced, did some research and lesson planing, played piano... It's 8:30 pm and I'm writing because I can't think of anything else I wanted to accomplish today, but I'm still too awake for bed.
This day was such a gift. I had ENDLESS energy. I didn't feel like napping, not a single time, not even at 3:00 when my body usually shuts down. I didn't even have to lie down or take it easy. I never felt nauseous or hypoglycemic or sick in any other way. Ok, maybe I had some inflammation in my joints and had to pad every chair with multiple cushions, but I can deal with that. The bottom line is, my body was a ROCKSTAR today! I felt like I could take on the world!
And it felt strange. It's been so long since I had a good day, like a really really good healthy day. I forgot what this feels like. I kept looking around, trying to figure out what to do next as I checked off everything on my list. I kept waiting for it to end, for the migraine or diarrhea or fatigue or anxiety... but nothing came.
So many days I feel stupid or slow or lazy or any number of similarly depressing adjectives. I sit at work and can't figure out why everyone else seems so much more competent than me. I sit at home and can't figure out why housework takes me SO long, or why I've been in the shower for 20 minutes and have no clue what I've been doing in that time. It's been so long without a good day that I had started to believe that it's just who I am. But today I remembered, no -- this is who I am! I am motivated, efficient, smart, creative, passionate, and absolutely brimming with life and energy. This is who I've been since childhood, who I return to every time the fog is lifted.
I can't help but think, though, what would my life be like if every day were like this? Think of what I could accomplish! All of the art I could create! All of the people I could help and causes I could join! How creative my teaching could be! There's a sense of mourning, thinking about the life I always thought I would have -- back when these days were still the norm. I'm just so glad to have had this day, though, and to remember what it feels like to be fully of energy, to be whole.